HowToPhil

I have seen my future

I’ve seen my future and I live. I outlive everyone I grew up with. I’m surrounded by the children of children. It is cold and dark. I have a place of honor in their world, but that doesn’t make them a part of mine. My world is dust and memories - and the dust is being swept away and the memories are fading. I’m old and there are billions of people who know my name and I am alone.

The problem with synthetic bodies is that you lose all the little pains that keep you human. They don’t itch, you don’t scratch. They don’t ache and twitch. We build these perfect bodies, but then we start to miss the pain. We miss arthritis and hangovers. We miss that burning in the back of your throat after you throw up. We miss it all. So we take these painless bodies and we start to put the pain back in. We set them up to break apart and malfunction. We rust the gears and short the circuits. All of it so we can feel human again. We sabotage our immortality, so we can feel alive. We bring pain back, because deep down we need it to keep from going insane, to keep ourselves real.

I outlive everything. The whole damned Universe. Gone. But then I’m there. I’m there in nothing. No context. What am I without context. What am I relative to nothing?

10 Ways I’m More Awesome Than Sliced Bread

10 Ways I’m More Awesome Than Sliced Bread:

01. Sliced bread is terrible at conversations. I rock conversations
02. Sliced bread will go straight to your thighs. I’ll wait a while.
03. Sliced bread is cold and sealed in plastic. I’m warm and only sometimes sealed in plastic.
04. Sliced bread will go stale. I’m always getting fresh.
05. Sliced bread will mold. They broke the mold when they made me.
06. I’m a cut up, but sliced bread is just cut up.
07. You can eat sliced bread, but can sliced bread eat you?
08. Taking a bath with sliced bread is way more slimy than taking a bath with me - and it clogs the drains.
09. Sliced bread is terrible at Mario Cart. I’m… slightly less terrible.
10. Sliced bread can become toast, but I’m still hotter.



… and then he went cross-eyed and happy.

… and then he went cross-eyed and happy.

Run into me?

If you were to accidentally run into me in any city, in any country, in the world, where would you like to run into me? Why would you be there? Why would I be there? 

The Unreal And Real You

thesomewordson:

Slowly
All the stuff that is you
falls away
Gradually
you’re not what you were
but you’re still there
a pattern
an idea
The thought of you
still there
Still being you
without all the stuff
stuff that was you
Just a thought
just a place holder
for a story
for ideas
for you
you
You are you
and stuff surrounds you
The real thing
is not a thing at all
The real you
is unreal
And the real stuff
is not really you



An I.O.U. bill that’s a perfect fit for your wallet.
Ever wish you could keep your I.O.U.s in with the rest of your dollars, fives, tens, and twenties? Well, I’ve made these near-dollar-sized (they’re a bit smaller to make them stand out a little) forms to keep track of I.O.U.s by keeping them in in your wallet. Fill one out when you lend money. THrow it away when it’s paid back. Room for notes, date, and the amount.
Hope you enjoy.
You can download the PDF of this from here for easy printing.

An I.O.U. bill that’s a perfect fit for your wallet.

Ever wish you could keep your I.O.U.s in with the rest of your dollars, fives, tens, and twenties? Well, I’ve made these near-dollar-sized (they’re a bit smaller to make them stand out a little) forms to keep track of I.O.U.s by keeping them in in your wallet. Fill one out when you lend money. THrow it away when it’s paid back. Room for notes, date, and the amount.

Hope you enjoy.

You can download the PDF of this from here for easy printing.

Life Lesions From Phillip:

Life Lesions From Phillip:

  1. Don’t pick a fight with the middle aged guy in a dress. He has been in way more fights than you. You’ll just get blood on his shoes… your blood.
  2. It’s okay to let your lover know you want to be “bullied” a little, but you also have to be ready to tell them when to stop.
  3. Instant coffee after toothpaste tastes like black licorice.
  4. "You may leave now" is a valid response to a lot of situations.
  5. There’s very little that you actually have to do. There’s a ton of reasons to make certain choices, but you always have options - they’re just not always pretty options.
  6. You’re a sentient creature in a universe full of incredibly amazing things - act like it.
  7. All the “being in love” in the world won’t make a difference if there’s not a single thing you like about a person. Liking someone is key to good relationships of all kinds.
  8. Stress will kill you. If you engage in and increase your own stress, then you hasten your own death. Not only are you shortening your life, you’re also making your shorter time much more miserable. De-stress. Find some joy. Live long and be happy.
  9. Say the nice things you think. You say a ton of the shitty stuff you think all the time. Saying shitty shit makes the world a shittier place. Saying nice shit makes the world a nicer place. Which kind of world do you want?
  10. I’m awesome. You probably are too. Just not as awesome as me.

P.S. - “Lesions” isn’t a typo.